last wednesday continues to ruin my life

28 Jul

I’m being haunted by last Wednesday night. I have been dealing with the repercussions for an entire week- a new chapter every day. I think it’s finally over, but I suggest that you commit these lessons to memory so you don’t have to re-learn them as I have:

  1. EAT FOOD before a long night of drinking.
  2. Don’t give your phone number to strangers from Houston.
  3. Don’t answer the phone if they call.
  4. Always put your card back in your wallet.
  5. Check the cab before you get out to make sure you haven’t forgotten anything.
  6. Check the ground around the cab to make sure nothing has fallen from your possessions.
  7. Don’t believe in the goodness of others. Iiiiii happen to be the type of person who will make every effort to return your wallet or card or ID. But the sad truth is that people like me in are in the minority. OTHER people take your money and run to every gas station between Seattle and Edmonds.

Thankfully, signs now indicate this horrible week in “Sarah’s School of Life” is over: my money has already been preliminarily credited back to my account and my new card was shipped today. I’ve given myself several stern talking-to’s about how 26 year old ladies should not be partying on weeknights and that all this really serves me right.

To add one final insult to injury (or whatever): I spotted the very people who are to blame for all this in the first place: these two guest-bartending Sounders, drinking coffee and doing crossword puzzles this morning at Oddfellows.

And I look TERRIBLE today. Adding one more to my list of lessons:

8. Don’t ever leave the house looking like I did this morning.

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birthday wish list: item #5

28 Jul

image

This table, found in the window of NuBe Green, 10th and Pine (next to Oddfellows).

a heartbreaker right from the start

28 Jul

Let’s play a game of “how well do you know me?”:

Name two things that annoy me about this video and guess what my favorite part is.

funnel of love

28 Jul

Entourage always ends episodes with the best music:

How awesome is Wanda Jackson’s voice? She re-made this song in 2003 and it’s definitely not as good.

conversations with my mother

27 Jul

Me: “Oh, well I wasn’t planning on telling anyone about it.”

Mom: “Well honey, let’s be honest: that might be rather difficult for you.”

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on bedding.

26 Jul

My least favorite “chore” in the whole wide world is putting sheets on a bed. It’s the worst.

First of all, it’s completely impossible to fold sheets perfectly- especially the fitted ones. I don’t understand why no one has perfected the design of sheets to make them easier to deal with. They’re always a mess.

Second of all, I hate the top sheets. I never use them, except lately I’ve been trying to be more of an adult and adults use top sheets… but of course I kicked it down to the bottom later that night. Stupid.

Third, I hate that far corner that always requires a lot of huffing and puffing to stretch the fitted sheet over it. Not a problem if your bed floats, I suppose, but it’s also the first corner to go if your sheet pops off. So annoying.

But fourth and MOST important: I HATE duvet covers.

A couple of weeks ago, I had to leave the bar and go home- my excuse being that I had to put on my duvet cover. Everyone laughed at me and told me that my duvet cover wasn’t a good enough excuse. But I was serious. I had one goal for the day, and that was it. They were right to tease me- it sounds ridiculous- BUT later they all confessed to knowing EXACTLY why such a chore gave me such anxiety.

How come no one has improved upon the design of comforters and duvet covers? Why do I even bother, if it just gets all balled up at the bottom? How come there isn’t more OUTRAGE about how maddening making your bed can be?

birthday wish list: item #4 (mini pig)

25 Jul

Who wants a pony or a dog or a cat when you can get a mini pig!?

Ponies are expensive and I have nowhere to put one. I don’t really have anywhere to put a mini pig either, but I COULD put it in my purse when I wanted to and we could do wonderful art projects:

Oh, and I’d prefer a RESCUED mini-pig because my research is telling me that mini-pigs are being abandoned as a result of the economic crisis. So rescue me a cute good one. Oh, and do all the background research to make sure it’s legal, por favor. I’m really terrible at things like that.

birthday wish list: item #3 (meringues)

25 Jul

I hate egg yolks but not egg whites and oh how I love meringues. You can get them at Le Panier in the Pike Place Market, at Whole Foods and at Trader Joe’s… but EXTRA special super points if you make them yourself. I like ‘em kinda chewy in the center.

birthday wish list: item #2 (a friend)

25 Jul

This one is easy, and you can get it for me BEFORE my birthday! And it won’t cost you a dime. Give me the gift of your time and be my+1 at the next Yelp party – next Friday, July 30th.

It’s automatically cool: Light snacks by Herban Feast. Free drinks by Ninkasi Beer, Novo Fogo Cachaca and Dry Soda. The kicker? It’s taking place at an art gallery called Ouch My Eye (great name) which is currently featuring an exhibit all about breasts.

Children under 18 need not gift me this particular item.

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birthday wish list: item #1 (dreamhouse)

23 Jul

It’s Leo-season, my 27th birthday is in 18 days, and even though I’m toning down my celebration- I still want gifts.

I would like this 3 bedroom/3 bathroom house. Chewy and I found it on a walk the other day.

“Distinctive contemporary in prime location offers unique and dramatic spaces for entertaining and show-casing your art. Filled with light and lots of interesting angles, this gallery-like home is an art collector’s dream. Designed to be a showplace, it lends itself well for both lavish galas and intimate candlelit dinners.”

And…

“Distinctive contemporary home in prime Volunteer Park neighborhood calls for your creative cosmetic touches to enhance her unique personality and sophisticated image. Add your own stylish decor for instant equity. Bathed in light from huge west-facing windows, 20′ ceilings & skylights, this home is truly one of a kind. The layout is ideal for entertaining, whether lavish events or intimate tete-a-tete around the fireplace. Walk to the park, Broadway or 15th Ave E shops & bistros. Superb.”

It’s only a cool mill, so I figured a bunch of you could get together and buy it for me. You’d be THE BEST FRIENDS EVER.

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